Since Michael was born, when we go out, I either have him in my arms, strapped to my chest, or in a stroller with a toddler and a preschooler on each side. And of course there must be a diaper bag or You know those fabulous double-seated shopping carts? We have too many for them. I know. We are a sight to see, I'll admit it. (Especially when someone is upset or disobedient!)
I know my Christian heart should not be offended. And I know people mostly say it without thinking. Kids are loud and fast and just draw attention. People end up looking and then need something to say to the adult they are staring at. I know. It's just a phrase in our culture.
But still, it bugs me.
It seems to say:
- "Your hands are TOO full." or
- "Your not capable of... all THAT." or
- "I am so glad I don't have to deal with those kids."
Does anyone else feel this way? Or am I alone?
I don't like the underlying assumptions that seem to build this line like life is better when it's easy. And children are a pain. And nobody could or would want that much little humanness in their life.
Of course little children are a ton of work. Of course I get frustrated sometimes. Of course we have bad moments and bad days. But there is so much JOY and PURPOSE and LOVE. I love being a mom.
I've spent way to much time composing stinging rebuttals for the nearly innocent strangers who cross my path and utter those words...
Should I share them? Do you want to know how mean my heart can be? Hehe.
What's your rebuttal? Or do you respond like a normal nice person?
For a while I just said, "Yea." with as much grace as I could muster. One time I was having a particularly calm-hearted day when a stranger said it as we were walking through the library parking lot. I stopped walking and without malice said something about how my hands are full of goodness. It changed the mood of the moment and the woman looked my boys again and talked with them and complimented them and it was really sweet. It reminded me how much words matter.
Sometimes I'm not that calm or unhurried, but I shot out a response yesterday that I think I can live with, at least when I'm on the run.
"We like it that way!" I had occasion to use it THREE times yesterday alone.
It's busy and crazy and fun and FULL of hugs and kisses and snuggles and future and love. We love it this way!
AMEN!! Having my fourth just increased those comments exponentially. I do what you did. Say "Just the way we like it!" and move on! I've even had people in the checkout line have very loud conversations with the cashier about how 2 children is enough and they couldn't imagine having any more, with my 4 kids right behind them! People can be cruel and unthinking and just downright WRONG. It's their loss. They cannot see the joy we have when we are NOT trying to wrangle multiple kids through a public place, arguably the hardest part of having multiple kids, when they play together or give us hugs and tell us they love us. They cannot know the expansion of love that 3rd or 4th or 5th child brought to our hearts. I have a plaque up in my house that says "If you think my hands are full, you should see my heart." I love that. It says it perfectly. You are a wonderful mommy and those boys are so lucky to have you!
ReplyDeleteI think "full of goodness" is the best response although I've said "better than empty" before (in a sincere, thankful tone). Do you get annoyed with, "so, you gonna try for a girl?" I've gotten tips on how to finally have a boy... Um thanks? Haha.
ReplyDeleteI love that response! My sister-in-law has always said to the "hands are full" comment: "so is my heart." But that's a little not my personality. Totally using your line now. :)
ReplyDeleteP.S. I love your positive attitude about parenting and your boys are all so cute and looking so big!
ReplyDeleteI do get it a lot but it is usually from old people who are kind. They almost say it in a I remember those days kind of way and want to talk to my kids. I almost feel bad for them because they seem lonely. My issue is that since moving East everyone assumes we are done having kids now that we have 3 and look at me like I am crazy when they find out I want more.
ReplyDeleteNicole, I've been meaning to comment on this since you posted it because I totally get it. My three girls are about the same spacing as your boys so I know how it really does feel like your hands are full. We did get comments like that a lot, but I never did figure out a good response and have the clearness of thought to use it in the moment. I don't get the comments as often anymore since they are older. But I just love these pictures of you s and your boys out living life and doing fun things together, making memories even though it takes a whole lot of energy on your part. And it makes me miss SoCal!
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