I nursed Caleb for the very last time this morning. It makes me so sad! I've loved nursing and loved giving him something so good for him that only I could give. I love the snuggle time and I treasure how much it soothes him and makes him happy. I never thought I would say this, but nursing for two years doesn't sound crazy to me anymore. I might have kind of even considered it a little.
Of course, it wasn't always easy. It hurt so bad the first couple weeks that I almost gave up a zillion times. Our pediatrician told me before Caleb was born that I just needed to give it 2 weeks before it would get better. I remember sweating and silently screaming through nursings waiting for that 2 week mark to arrive. (It sounds like such a short amount of time now, but it seemed like forever then.) Then I made it and things were slightly better, so I set a new goal for one month. Each Thursday, when I counted him a week older and I was still nursing, I felt this amazing personal victory. I had held on! Pretty soon three months went by and the pain finally eased.
I had my fair share of clogged ducts, but thankfully no mastitis. Around Thanksgiving to Christmas I went through another painful phase that I never could diagnose. It seemed like every time I'd set a deadline (ie if it's not better by X day, I'm quitting), that X day would be fine and I'd move on. Sometime in January, things got back to normal and have been fine since.
I didn't actually mean to be done quite this soon. I had this silly vision of nursing him for the last time the night of his first birthday. But once I got down to 1-2 feedings my milk just quit coming. Which is fine. His birthday is in 8 days.
I just had to write about it because nursing has been such a big part of my life and my relationship with my baby for the past year. I really am sad to let it go and so grateful I was able to do it. Some of the memories are so classic: like reaching cruising-altitude on an airplane before the flight-attendant realized I had a baby because he was nursing under a blanket, or letting Caleb "nurse" for 30 minutes straight so I could sleep for a few precious moments, or really classic, flashing friends, neighbors and strangers alike. :) Oh nursing, it's been an adventure. One I hope to take again someday if we are blessed with another little angel.
I totally remember the last time I nursed Keri...it got to the point where I had to just pick a time that would be the last. With Braden, it sort of just ended prematurely because I was working but I was determined to nurse Keri for at least a year. Anyway, sad! It's the end of an era. Have you ever read Carol Lynn Pearson's poems? She has one called "The Weaning" and another called "Day-Old Child" that I really like. You should google them if you haven't read them before!
ReplyDeleteI so relate to this post. I nursed Freddy almost exclusively for 12 months. Then he still nursed 3 times a day until 16 months. It was extremely painful (to the point of tears) until about 7 months - then I just lost feeling. No one could ever figure out what the problem was. It was terrible but it was so wonderful. I was so sad to quit nursing and only gave it up because we started trying for another baby a few months previous and I was worried I wasn't getting prego because of it. Anyway, I'm very proud of you for sticking with it - I don't know how I did it - it's so hard but so so worth it!
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